The Great Stone Movers

Movers of the Great Stone

Who will help me move this great stone? It lies there in a most unappealing way, if it was turned, and then all its glory will be revealed.

Man has always admired the great stone, its strength, longevity, and mysticism. Early men worshiped it as the God Baal, and today you will find variations of this symbol around the world. This discussion would be more appropriate for someone more knowledgeable than me, but I believe my simple analogy will work. Just as that early stone admirer gazed upon his prize, did ambition set into place. He imagined the prestige that would surely come as others learned of his achievement. His name would be spoken within the circles of elders and soon many would aspire to raise a stone of their own. Fame was born in the fires of ambition, leaving all reason behind.

Families also deal with this same struggle on a smaller scale, but nonetheless if allowed to go unchecked disaster surely looms close by. When our children are small, all our hopes and dreams for them seem so possible. We are even tempted to relive our lives through them in order to satisfy personal failures. But as a family we too must move this great stone. It must be turned so that all can see its glory. As the children grow stronger we ask them to help us move the stone, sometimes without explaining our motives. “Come, push harder we have little time to waste” we call out. Some are obedient while others seek out ways to exclude them from the responsibility. We sternly scold those who choose to neglect the honorable cause, and admire the ones who never question their role. But what exactly is this stone? Is it only a material object with no real worth? Are we vainly demanding our children to slave their days away only to please a notion of fame?

Vanity comes to mind, as I continue to ponder my personal motivations for my family. If this is so, what path should I have taken? Should one let the stone lie, and allow foolish dreams to burn out in the privacy of our own homes? Is a family not a unit that requires success in order to remain viable and survive for the following generations? A failed family surely ends in extinction, lost to the ages never to be heard of again. So I say my friends, “Come, let us move the stone and let all see its glory!”

CHRISTIANITY'S ORIGIN

Christianity's Origin
Christianity as antiquity.-- When we hear the ancient bells growling on a Sunday morning we ask ourselves: Is it really possible! This, for a jew, crucified two thousand years ago, who said he was God's son? The proof of such a claim is lacking. Certainly the Christian religion is an antiquity projected into our times from remote prehistory; and the fact that the claim is believed - whereas one is otherwise so strict in examining pretensions - is perhaps the most ancient piece of this heritage. A god who begets children with a mortal woman; a sage who bids men work no more, have no more courts, but look for the signs of the impending end of the world; a justice that accepts the innocent as a vicarious sacrifice; someone who orders his disciples to drink his blood; prayers for miraculous interventions; sins perpetrated against a god, atoned for by a god; fear of a beyond to which death is the portal; the form of the cross as a symbol in a time that no longer knows the function and ignominy of the cross -- how ghoulishly all this touches us, as if from the tomb of a primeval past! Can one believe that such things are still believed?
from Nietzsche's Human, all too Human, s.405, R.J. Hollingdale transl.

MONKEY MAN

MONKEY MAN http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4ZFupjYbm4

It was a pitiful sight, the mutated corruption of nature that loomed on the road side. A jaw that pushed well beyond the profile, giving the look of an Neanderthal. Tractor trailers rushed by leaving a burst of wind in their wakes forcing debris to scatter about the roadside. A setting sun offered little comfort against the minus twenty degree high of the day. The night would be nothing short of brutal. Head on a swivel as the creature surveyed the ground for any salvageable debris. Nothing.

Two hours after dark, the creature settled in his nest under the interstate bridge. A modern day troll, saturated with urine and feces stagnated the air that enveloped the homeless vagabond. A deformed hand with knuckles the size of golf balls, retrieved the evenings sustenance. It was KFC container he had obtained earlier. Inside was a bountiful treasure consisting of an assortment of bones with tears of meat, a saturated greasy napkin, and a full container of brown gravy. Tremors told the tale of the addiction that had played havoc on his nervous system as he opened his prize. Fumbling around he put the drumstick to his lips. Blisters and cankers dominated this landscape, as their pain reminded their host as he opened his mouth. Maggots were not served with this meal; it had simply been too cold.

Dessert was as it had always been cheap wine... Luther turned up the "old bottle of rose" as he called it and took half its volume. A burp accompanied by the deep intestinal gas that would have been a horrific event anywhere else, but here it was nothing new. Hydrochloric acid mixed with his favorite alcohol was forced from his stomach to the back of his mouth. A "Chicken Barf" was the terminology. Sharp pains and burning sensations demanded his attention as the concoction resumed its former course. His esophagus was raw and porous from the years of abuse, Luther could not remember how long he had been on the road.

It was around midnight when he finally relaxed enough to sleep. The traffic had dwindled down to a sporadic one car an hour. Luther had a sharp pain in his chest. "Damn is I dyin?" He sat up clenching his chest. His breath was short and fast. A long roll sounded in from deep in his bowels and he knew it was only gas.... A stupid little grin of miserable contentment overcame his protruding jaw as he laid back down, "musa been dat ol chicken bone."

A bottle hurled through the night air exploding on the cement pylon on the bridge. Luther opened one eye, he had been on the road a long time and knew what it meant. Yes, some would say the crazy old monkey man was a fool, but Luther had seen too many fools die laughing at such ideas. He sat up to survey his surroundings, but found nothing out of place. The only other man he had seen out was a skinny white man, toting an oversized backpack. "Fool thinks he is campin," he chuckled. But he was long gone headed for Florida that morning, and should at least two state lines by now. The hour past slow, as old man winter's cruel icy breath chilled his bones.

"Go on do it,"...whispered a young voice. A teenager no more than sixteen approached the slumbering man. Broken glass gave his position away and announced his arrival. The twisted creature rose to his feet. As the youth stood fast soiling himself, the towering primate stood superior. A beastly growl was all that could be heard as Luther charged into the youth. It was not the first time Luther had been abused. He had bee set on fire, stabbed, shot, and pissed on, but tonight he was not in the mood. Survival of the fittest as Darwin would say, and the monkey man tore into the youth.

The accomplice was also in shock and hesitated before he gained the courage to assist his partner. He ran and jumped on the towering mass. Urine and feces took his breath as he flailed away at the senior. Luther had already killed the first youth. He drove his long thumbs in to the skull of his attacker. Eyes forced from their sockets made for an ominous scene. A knife found Luther's back and he knew it was bad. Enraged he wrenched the arm of his assailant, dislocating the shoulder. The sound was new to the untraveled youth, but Luther had heard it all too many times. An evil smile revealed rotten gums where a few teeth still hung on. "Damn you boy," roared the mutated beast! Luther retrieved the weapon from his left kidney and instructed the boy on the proper way to operate the device. "Like dis fool," as Luther inserted the long hunting knife an inch below the navel and proceeded north. The youth burst with fluid as the blade continued up to his sternum. "Long and deeps, long and deeps,"chuckled Luther as he fell to the ground.

Luther could feel the life force leaving his tortured frame as the cold damp air became insignificant. He could hear the youth struggling about on the ground trying to replace his entrails, but it was no use as he slipped from consciousness cursing the monkey man. Luther gave a final attempt to regain his footing, but he could not find the strength so he lamented and accepted his fate with dignity. “Wells I’s guess its time fo me to die,” no tears of regret, no unpaid debt to be paid the man was at peace and unafraid of the dark abyss of death.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LpgmqigJGU
HEBREW WARRIORS
(RELIGIOUS RADICALS)

I have always felt ashamed of the radical European Christians during the age of the crusades. Many have heard of the crusades but few know of the death and destruction that lay in their wake. Mohammed composed the Koran as he witnessed the radicals pouring in from foreign lands. Recently I discovered the fact that there were radical warriors long before the Euro-God Warriors, he went by the name of Moses and his Hebrew Warriors. Abandoned by his mother, placed in a basket and allowed to float down the Nile River because of the Pharaoh’s decree to kill all the first born males of the Hebrews. Ironically, the child Moses was discovered by a Royal Egyptian and raised as an Egyptian. Having access to a significant abundance of the advanced culture Moses excelled in learning Religion, Architecture, Warfare, Geography, Astrology, Metallurgy, and his most significant contribution Monotheism. As an adult, probably being groomed to be a high-level official, Moses learns of his identity and all hell breaks loose.


Ex 2:11 One day, after Moses had grown up, he went out to where his own people were and watched them at their hard labor. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his own people.
Ex 2:12 Glancing this way and that and seeing no one, he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.

I am straining to be unbiased, but find it impossible to ignore the obvious fact that Moses is not of sound mind. He is living in the comfort of Egyptian Pharaoh’s palace, wanders out amongs the slaves, looks left then right, and destroys an overseer and buries him in the sand. Yeah no one is going to notice the disappearance of an overseer or that mound of sand over by the camp. Our dear aggressive Moses soon discovers that his people have found out about his deed and they have exposed him. Enraged the Pharaoh seeks to kill Moses, but our crafty Hebrew is long gone.


Ex 2:16 Now a priest of Midian had seven daughters, and they came to draw water and fill the troughs to water their father’s flock.
Ex 2:17 Some shepherds came along and drove them away, but Moses got up and came to their rescue and watered their flock.
Ex 2:18 When the girls returned to Reuel their father, he asked them, “Why have you returned so early today?”
Ex 2:19 They answered, “An Egyptian rescued us from the shepherds. He even drew water for us and watered the flock.”
Ex 2:20 “And where is he?” he asked his daughters. “Why did you leave him? Invite him to have something to eat.”
Ex 2:21 Moses agreed to stay with the man, who gave his daughter Zipporah to Moses in marriage.
Ex 2:22 Zipporah gave birth to a son, and Moses named him Gershom, saying, “I have become an alien in a foreign land.”

The radical Moses comes to a well where some sheepherders are bullying the seven daughter of a priest. Moses defeats the disadvantaged shepherds and rewarded by the priest giving him a wife. When Moses’s son arrives he states that he has become an alien in a foreign land. Now he hasn’t talked to God yet but it sounds to me that my man has a master plan cooking up. .

Ex 3:3 So Moses thought, “I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush does not burn up.”
Ex 3:4 When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called s to him from within the bush, “Moses! Moses!” And Moses said, “Here I am.”
Ex 3:5 “Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.”
Ex 3:6 Then he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.” At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God.
Ex 3:7 The LORD said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering.
Ex 3:8 So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey —the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites.

Well what do you know old Moses comes upon a burning bush that does not burn? I have tried to put an analogy to this interpretation but I keep coming up with nil. Moses is walking about in the desert and stumbles upon a bush that talks to him. After repeating his name several times he commands Moses to remove his shoes. Not only is the bush a flame but the ground around it was holy. How could this be? “Hello I am God of your father, Jacob, Isaac, and Abraham,” the voice boomed. Moses immediately hides his face because he doesn’t wish to look upon the lord. Now certainly 99% of us would have been long gone after the bush speaking, but Moses pushes on unafraid. God says that he has heard his people’s cries and is concerned about their suffering. Then why does not the omnipotent force strike down the mean old Pharaoh and deliver them to a good and spacious land, (yeah right). Now the milk and honey part sounds great, but what about the populace that is already in place. Oh let us wipe them off the face of the map!

We all know of the crafty Moses and his tricks performed for the Pharaoh, which in turn leads to the great exodus. Moses out foxes the Pharaoh and his men in the desert and crosses a swamp at low tide under cover of darkness. Then once in the desert he takes the longest route possible to Canaan and makes camp at Mount Sinai


Ex 19:17 Then Moses led the people out of the camp to meet with God, and they stood at the foot of the mountain.
Ex 19:18 Mount Sinai was covered with smoke, because the LORD descended on it in fire. The smoke billowed up from it like smoke from a furnace, the whole mountain trembled violently,
Ex 19:19 and the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder. Then Moses spoke and the voice of God answered him.
Ex 19:20 The LORD descended to the top of Mount Sinai and called Moses to the top of the mountain. So Moses went up
Ex 19:21 and the LORD said to him, “Go down and warn the people so they do not force their way through to see the LORD and many of them perish.
Ex 19:22 Even the priests, who approach the LORD, must consecrate themselves, or the LORD will break out against them.”
Ex 19:23 Moses said to the LORD, “The people cannot come up Mount Sinai, because you yourself warned us, ‘Put limits around the mountain and set it apart as holy.’
Ex 19:24 The LORD replied, “Go down and bring Aaron up with you. But the priests and the people must not force their way through to come up to the LORD, or he will break out against them.”
Ex 19:25 So Moses went down to the people and told them.

This event is by far the most significant and original piece of religious literature. It separates the other religions, even though they have some of the same laws, but they were not handed down from God personally. Taken literally it is a terrifying account as smoke encompasses the mountain, the mountain shook, and trumpets became louder and louder. Now my skepticism begins to creep in where is Joshua during this, could he be the trickster? Then no one can come up the mountain except Aaron, to act as bodyguard not allowing anyone to see what is going on. In my mind, I can just see Moses chiseling away at the stone tablets. Of course Moses can’t turn his back one minute and the wild Hebrews have already built a golden calf idol. He gets pissed and breaks the only thing God has ever touched and goes into a rampage..

Ex 17:9 Moses said to Joshua, “Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands.”
Ex 17:10 So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill.
Ex 17:11 As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning.
Ex 17:12 When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset.
Ex 17:13 So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.
Ex 17:14 Then the LORD said to Moses, “Write this on a scroll as something to be remembered and make sure that Joshua hears it, because I will completely blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven.”
Ex 17:15 Moses built an altar and called it The LORD is my Banner

Moses did not just take his people out into the desert to starve or die but become hardened and ready to make war. Remember there are other people living in Canaan, and are enjoying the milk and honey. He has failed in the religious movement so far and he now is ready to put his military to the test against the Amalekites. Now pay attention to the strange detail of as long as Moses has his hands held high the Israelites are winning, as the arms fall to the side from fatigue the Amalekites win. How long did Moses let the opposing team win before he resumed his pose? Aaron and Hur sat Moses on a rock and held his arms up until the sunset. Psychological warfare has begun my friends and here is the proof.

Moses continues to invigorate his army with the promise of God is backing the Israelites, and that no one could oppose them. He dies and leaves Joshua in command and he too proves to be a military genius. Training in the mountains, mastering the first commandos and shock troops the Israelites have Canaan in a panic and for good reason. When Joshua takes a town no lives are spared, men, women, children, and livestock were slaughtered. Terrorism was born in the name of religion and the flood of blood still flows today. It disturbs me to know that many believers probably have never heard this story or gave it any thought telling themselves that it was God’s will.

Bottom line:
We cannot keep our perspective here as long as we are looking from inside the bubble. Only when we push the veil aside and peer beyond the world of childlike faith can we really see the truth. Osama Bin Laden trained his terrorist organization in the remote accesses of the mountain in Afghanistan. He is a master of commando tactics, as well as shock troops and does it in the name of Islam. To us it seems insane why someone would infiltrate a peaceful religion and exploit young men into becoming martyrs for one single purpose, to rid the world of infidels. Moses only wanted Canaan, Euro-Christians only wanted the Holy land, and now the experiment has grown exponentially and the radical Muslims want the world! How could this be some master plan? There is not one shred of logic to the riddle and nor will there ever be some rationale to justify all the bloodshed of the past. If we are to survive as a species we are going to have to put down the one book and pick up some new books.

WHISKEY DARWINS UNSEEN VARIABLE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9SCWlEWivM

If you do not subscribe to Darwin or evolution then this article will be of no interest to you. However, if you do believe then here is a great theory that deserves some discussion. I have often marveled at the beauty of the animals great and small in our world, Siberian tigers, snow owls, macaws, horses, and deer to name only a few. But have you ever considered our species? Now before you blurt out some ridiculous remark take a moment to analyze what I am saying. In nature, selective processes have been on going since the beginning of time. Tedious and slow changes developing over millions of years give us the great contrasts we see in our world today. In our case I believe we have dropped the ball! Think for a moment about how your parents chose each other. Did they consider the outcome of dad’s feet and mom’s bottom? I sincerely doubted this was the case and would like to suggest another significant variable into the mix, whiskey. How much has sour mash contributed to the poor selection of certain breeds of humans?

If you have ever been to a party full of young adults drinking heavily you can grasp my concept easily. We have all heard the saying, “the girls get better looking at closing time” or “after a six pack.” As I am sure, the opposite sex has admitted to the same folly. Waking up beside a repulsive mate illuminated by the morning light is not an uncommon phenomenon and has horrific consequences. Becoming pregnant by a ugly mate, with no admirable qualities is surely Darwin’s unseen variable at play here, or is it? I would love to see some research on this ditty.

Our early ancestors definitely had to make some hard decisions, or should I say the mostly the females. Males could score and move on without any interruption is his ability to hunt and gather food. Females had to choose wisely, as she would be unable to obtain food later in the phases of pregnancy and the few following months after the child was born. Clearly, this is the reason women are physically more attractive than men are. This is when I believe we made our departure from our cousins. But something happened during mans discovery of agriculture and the domestication process needed to create civilization.

Civilization brought with a natural hierarchy masters and slaves. The masters had of course a bit more selection in their mates with the motivation of obtaining more wealth and social status. Now yes the masters could select the most beautiful mate, but they were the few compared to the slaves. Slaves were limited to their opportunity to mate and had to select what was available to them. Not to say that all slaves were ugly, but on ratio, I am confident they were not the cream of the crop. This pattern has continued up until the modern day though the classes are more diverse and divided in to manly levels of masters and slaves.

Incest, the original sin is prevalent throughout history. Egyptians, Greeks, Romans, and Europe’s Royal Elite attempted to keep the bloodlines pure a “mini me phenomenon” that had horrific consequences of birth defects. Incest also performed by the slaves and lesser peoples especially in isolated environments. Polygamy was an unknown strategy to overcome some of the detrimental effects of genetic pathologies, but as time passes in the bands the genes are duplicated and the pathologies return.

Bottom line;

We are all selfish, nasty monkeys with no real comprehension of natural selection. Our domestication has removed our innate ability to choose mates for their attributes and lead to random fornications with not so remarkable results. Our fear of the dark forces us to gather, a warm body is pleasant and sex is great! We are creatures whom seek companionship and at times can be desperate for it. Though we clearly still continue to demonstrate poor choice of mates it seems to me that whiskey has played its part as well. Think of all the illegitimate children of highly placed officials partaking in one-night stands. How many relationships were started while they were under the influence of whiskey?


John R Hill

THE GREAT DISTANCE

THE GREAT DISTANCE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MzPT0q6PLo
I recently have had some very significant events that have pushed me deeper into the abyss. Day after day, I see great wrongs being committed, innocence punished, and the weak exploited. How could this be, I ask myself. Religion, I am told is a place of sanctuary when the world around you has slipped into madness. Is this true, could I have been so foolish as to have overlooked this incredible assistive device? Certainly not, I have pondered the mysteries for answers and been forced to forfeit my subscription to the Hebrew God of Abraham. Blaspheme you might say, but I say logical rationale. Below I will continue my twisted journey seeking shelter from the rhetoric of my peers.

How can so many people be wrong? Religion is an issue that will drive brothers to fight to the death to prove their God is stronger. Wars and rumors of war are rhetoric of all men and are not specific to revelations in the Christian Bible. Man, with his innate aggressive behaviors have achieved dominion over his environment through is ability to unlock his imagination and realize ingenuity. Not because of divine intervention, if this were the case a grizzly bear would pull a plow. Maybe religion is a means to achieve dominion over other men.

The Hebrews surely have learned some hard lessons from their horrific past and man look at them now. Moses, sure put the kybosh on the Pharaoh, with the ten plagues and killing his first-born son. I guess what amazes me the most is that how the Jews went from rags to riches and rags to riches again. It really is not that hard if you follow the money trail, and yes, this is another the Jewish banker conspiracy plot. Religion is a great way to amass wealth! I believe Jesus knocked over the collection table as he witnessed poor farmers handing over tides that could have put food on their tables. It was the same Jews who decided to have Jesus crucified and used as an example to all. Which brings me to a point to ponder; did Jesus come for all men or just the Jews?

Genesis clearly tells of the first humans Adam and Eve. Nevertheless, the story gets a little murky as the realization of other races of men comes into play. For example if the Holy Bible is correct, we are all Hebrew and no need for Paul to allow conversion of the Gentiles. Logic and religion are not good bedfellows. If Jesus was the Messenger (messiah) then clearly no one was listening. As more and more bloodshed continued to saturate the ground even to this day in his name, I sit in awe of this tragedy. Moses came, followed by Jesus and finally Mohamed. Three strikes your out! Man has an incredible knack for his boundless imagination. His ability to explain phenomenon without the slightest regard for evidence, it is just so! I am one of the many who require a little more than faith to sell out lock stock and barrel. Meaning if you are religious, you are 100% resolute not 60-70%. I subscribe to the all of none theory when it comes to this subject and this has been a constant reminder of why I remain skeptical.

The distance between the Hebrew God of Abraham and me continues to grow and to my peers my punishment will be the complete separation from God. In a way, I have always been separated from God as well as others in this brutal world. Millions upon countless millions have suffered fates no words could ever describe. Including the atrocities the Jewish Bankers unleashed upon their own kind during the Holocaust of WWII. No one wanted to believe such accusations, but if one desired to conceal a plot and come up with a foolproof way to allow your race to dominate the Banking world with no questions asked, playing the victim has been a success. As many of you may know the word holocaust actually means burnt sacrifice! A thinning of the herd to attain global domination is not a new concept and unfortunately will ultimately be used again in the very near future.

Bottom line;

I work in healthcare and see the affliction of horrible pathologies, motor vehicle accidents, burns, etc. and I constantly ask myself why do good people have to suffer. If you have ever watched a married couple of 50+ years sit in a day room and one has no idea who the stranger across from them really is, then you have no idea the pain in which I have described here. Millions of starving people from all over the globe are dying while brimming silo’s are allowed to spoiled for the sake of stabilizing the price of grain. Radical Muslims have infiltrated the mosque of good people in order to kill the infidel, as radical Christians scream the same battle cry, while the Elite Jews (not the majority!) sit in awe as their master plan plays out. Would these bank cartels have so much control if we were allowed to remove our social behavior training wheels? Some would say that in nature, the weak will be exploited by the strong and I would have to agree. Are we so indoctrinated in the belief that war is always the end that justifies the means? Can man overcome his innate bestiality and find peace in this world. Religion offers no answers only hope of a omnipotent deity that will right the wrongs. While science demonstrates promise in decoding the mysteries of our mind and body as well as the universe, we are attempting to coexist. Religion will only be proven false as time will tell, unfortunately we may not have enough time to realize our folly.

I WANNA BE A NINJA TURTLE

Sometime in the late fall semester of 2003 at school an event occurred that must not go unrecorded. It happened in English 111. The paper we were about to write was on contrast. The comparison of careers, where to live, and to have a cat or dog were appropriate. However there was a special student, with red hair and a lack of interests that stood apart in the class. Afterwards while I attempted to study in the library these words took hold leaving me in tears and all alone laughing aloud.
THE OLD NINJA TURTLES AND THE NEW NINJA TURTLES
This remark is absolutely kicking the shit out of my side. Mrs. Hard-on (Herndon) kicks it up a notch inflicting major damage on my fellow student’s intellect. She offered him no option, but to crumble up like an old beer can in a garbage disposal. The orangutan found life frigid and harsh, as her wicked rhetoric blasted him into space. Cry not, for the split second demolition crushed him before his weak mind had a chance to analyze the information. This abuse was originally intended to put into perspective the proper response to her question. Simplicity and creativity took hold of the orangutan revealing his inner child. “Come, come and see,” she implemented without saying the words and then inquired, “ are you planning to become a ninja turtle soon?“ As the class convulsed and reveled in the disturbing discovery. A reality made itself crystal clear in my mind. How could we be so cruel, in finding a soft spot then gouging it repetitively with glee.